It was simple Nothing Mattered Any More, I wanted to be with my beautiful baby boy, I don't remember much of the next few days I remember the family GP came and gave me something to calm me and I finally fell asleep, the next thing I remember was so many days later someone telling me there had to be an autopsy done on Mark and when I asked why I was told that there had been several cases of parents killing their children and they had to rule it out, I could NOT believe it, now I was being accused of Murdering my baby, but I really didn't care, they could say what ever they wanted because nothing they could do or say would change the fact that my baby was dead and I was going to be with him one way or another, my other two boys would be fine without me, my Mum would look after them, but Mark needed me, I remember going with my Mum to get a black coat for the funeral but in the days before that I don't remember a thing nor do I remember anything of the other days leading up to the funeral, then the day was here I was to carry my baby on my knee in the funeral car there was no Hurst his tiny body was in a tiny white coffin on my knee, it may seem stupid to someone reading this but I just sat there wishing I would hear a noise or feel a movement to let me know it was all a big mistake and my baby was alive, I didn't want a church funeral so we had a graveside service I don't remember much of that either except there where lots of people and when it was time to leave the graveside I remember almost collapsing, this was it, this was the final step, I was never going to hold my baby in my arms, kiss him or tell him I love him ever again, and all I could think of was I wanted to be with him.